PND and Me Shortlisted for TalkTalk Digital Heroes Award

Tags

Perinatal Mental Health, PND and Me, Postnatal depression, talktalk digital heroes

I’m SO excited to share that PND and Me has been shortlisted for the TalkTalk Digital Heroes Award in the Healthy Living Category!

Being shortlisted alone is such an amazing achievement for me and something I could never have envisioned when I began all this just over 18 months ago. For me to be a Digital Hero would just be incredible, to know that I’ve been able to turn such a negative experience into a positive one that not only has helped me get better but is continuing to help others too.

#PNDHour has gone from strength to strength and now connects an amazing 30-60 people each Wednesday from across the UK with either a personal or professional interest in Perinatal Mental Health.

I’m so passionate about connecting women who have or are still experiencing a perinatal mental illness to really show that they are not alone, that it can affect anyone but that with the right help and support everyone can get better.

Winning this award would provide PND and Me with £5000 which would enable me to set up a team of trained volunteers help me during #PNDHour, because safe peer support is the best peer support. I would be able to provide more information to health care professionals to spread the word of #PNDHour. Plus much more!

Please Vote here! It takes a minute! Voting closes September 8th so please vote and share!

THANK YOU!

Rosey xx

Being sterilized because of Perinatal Mental Illness.

Making the decision to be sterilized is always a difficult choice to make… but what if because of mental illness the choice is effectively taken out of your hands?

That is me.

Now I am SO very lucky to have had three healthy children and I’m still young (26) So you might be wondering why I am making a big deal of being sterilized? “Surely three is enough” you might be thinking. Yes three is definitely enough, I never had an ideal but because of my experiences with Perinatal Mental illness, namely Antenatal and Postnatal Depression – I have had the decision to have more taken straight from my hands… because if I had more, the risk to my mental health would be far too great.

However I know of many other mums who after maybe only 1 sometimes 2 have made exactly the same decision, this is the reality of the effect Perinatal Mental Illness has on families.

It’s the right decision for me and my three children but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s an easy one. I feel sad I’ll never carry a baby, experience all those ‘firsts’ or breastfeed again but the list of cons far outweigh the pros!

I feel relieved knowing I’ll never have to experience the sheer terror of a positive pregnancy test or have to make the heartbreaking decision to have a termination, which I did in July 2014 for my fourth pregnancy. That was when I made the decision to look into being sterilized, I couldn’t ever go through that again.

Now my mental health is still up and down but never again will I have to go through the extremes of Antenatal Depression which ruined the experience of my third pregnancy.

I am slowly but surely taking control of my mental health with the right support, finding the right medication and learning what my triggers are for anxiety and developing coping mechanisms for when the black cloud appears.

All in all being sterilized will bring me peace and I can look towards the future with my three beautiful children and enjoy them growing up without the fear of Perinatal Mental Illness stealing me from them again.

PND ‘Hope Packs’ – Can you help?

Just a quick one from me. You may have seen my recent fundraiser to raise money towards Hope Packs for mums currently in the 17 Mother and Baby Units across the UK which have 125 altogether (so this is a number I’m working towards for many of the items!). I had an amazing £1150 donations which has given me an amazing start and will provide the following :

A small booklet featuring stories, quotes, details of PND support, blog links etc – If you’d like to contribute to these please email me Rosey.pnd@Gmail.com

A small teddy bear! (Purchased!)

Children’s books for mums to read to there babies (I’ve purchased all of these already)

Hopefully postage & packaging

*What I still need*

A5/A6 Notebooks & pens

Any soaps/shower gels etc for mums

Small chocolate bars

Small baby towels (New)

Books on mindfulness/Postnatal Depression recovery etc (New or used)

Adult colouring books/pencils

Letters from mums who’ve  experienced postnatal depression/Psychosis etc to mums in the units. They can include a little about you/your experience. Anything that helped you and some words of HOPE – please email them to me at Rosey.pnd@Gmail.com

Baby Slings (preferably stretchy wraps) New or used – see here for more details

**Open to other suggestions of little things**

All items must be sent to me , please email me Rosey.pnd@Gmail.com and I Will provide my postal address.

Thank you all so much!

Teenage Mothers with Postnatal Depression – Are we doing enough to support them?

Tags

#PNDChat, #pndhour, teenage mums and postnatal depression, young mothers, young mums and postnatal depression

The UK has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe with recent estimates of 50,000 each year in England under the age of 20 of which 80% were aged 18-19. Teenage mothers are three times more likely to develop Postnatal Depression [PND] in the first year after their child’s birth which means approximately 40% of teenage mothers are affected. [1]

Many factors can contribute to a teenage mother developing PND including coming from a lower socio economic background, previous mental illness, isolation and low self-esteem. If PND is not identified it can have a long term impact on child’s cognitive and psychological development. It is of great importance that a young mother experiencing symptoms of PND can have access to appropriate professional support from Health Visitors, GPs and other agencies such as specialist Perinatal Mental Health Teams.

Teenage mothers have a very unique set of needs when it comes to accessing support; the fear of social services becoming involved upon seeking help for PND is very common and often prevents teenage mothers from reaching out for help from professionals. It is so important that we inform mums of the process when a PND diagnosis is confirmed and that contacting social services is usually a last resort by health care professionals.

Many young mothers do not feel confident enough to attend general postnatal depression support groups where available for fear of judgement. The following taken from the Young Mums Together Report by the Mental Health Foundation clearly indicates the importance of educating young mothers with the information that professionals are not to be feared:

“Young mothers’ barriers to seeking support were primarily related to fear of reprisal from social services, negative past experiences and perceived stigma. These barriers were mediated by facilitating new and positive experiences with various professionals, from dental practitioners to counsellors to family practitioners”.

With many young mothers being diagnosed with PND there is a need to address the lack of young parent specific support as these mums are such a vulnerable group it is critical they have local access to non-judgemental support from both peers and professionals. Knowing there is specific young parent support available can help alleviate isolation; a young mother may chose not to attend a group straight away or at all but simply knowing it is there shows these mothers that they are as important as any older mother to our society and that they can access the support and services to encourage them to continue or return to learning which enables them to grow in confidence and create a brighter more secure future for both themselves and their child[ren].

Becoming a mother at a young age is perhaps not seen as “ideal” for many reasons by a lot of society however it does not “ruin” their lives in fact many young mothers become stronger and more determined to create a better future for themselves as a result and with the right support and encouragement they can achieve whatever they set out to, we must empower these young mothers to challenge the publics perception of being a young mother and show that young mothers are just as capable of contributing to society in a positive way as older mothers.

“While it is important to recognise the many challenges faced by young mothers and their children, it is essential that the benefits of being a young parent are recognised and enhanced through providing appropriate services. For example, young mothers reported feeling stronger after becoming a mother; having a baby marked positive life changes, such as re-engagement with education, training and employment”.

Teenage mothers are so often given a bad press by the negative stories we read online and in magazines but not nearly enough credit is given to these young mothers who are often bringing up their child[ren] alone with up to 60% being lone parents. Adjusting to motherhood is a massive task but especially for these younger mothers and there must be better support out there for them to access to help them adjust to this life change and the challenges it presents.

It is an isolating time suffering with PND for any mother and often young mothers are isolated from their peers because of pregnancy and a new baby so it is of even more importance to create a new support network for these mothers to access to help alleviate the loneliness that can often be a big factor in PND.

There are many wonderful groups and services out there across the UK that cater specifically for young mothers, however there is still a need to increase these as it is a huge postcode lottery as to services available that provide specialist mental health support for teenage mothers. These young mums often feel forgotten or not as important as older mothers, we must help them to see that they matter and that their health and wellbeing are important to society.

In short we must do all we can to help reduce the stigma surrounding young mothers and provide them with the specialist perinatal mental health support they need to help give both them and their child[ren] the best possible start, it is the very least they deserve and if we as a society can’t give these young mothers the help they need to create a bright future for themselves – then we have failed them and no mother should ever feel failed no matter what her age.

Becoming a young mother is not the end of a her story it is the start of a new exciting and empowering one.

 [1] Statistics and quotes taken from Young Mums Together Report by Mental Health Foundation

 

A Dad’s experience of Postnatal depression: The first symptoms and a visit to the GP

Tags

dads mental health, dads postnatal depression

Although welcoming my little guy in to this world had at the time brought so much joy I noticed that the past few weeks to months had not been what I expected, I felt agitated, angry, upset, frustrated, alone, in the dark, tearful,  overwhelmed but how could this be when I saw so many fathers around me filled with joy and love as they watched their child grow. Yet sleep deprived, overwhelmed frustrated dad over here was seemingly getting to the stage of not being bothered! 

So with much fear I share my first experience at the GP and try not to sound a dramatic what was a first time father at the time who was having these outbursts but now, I feel ready. 

Walking to the doctors office just around the street corner from our home my head hung low, hot flushes went through me and my stomach in knots. Breathing shallow and slow as I approached. I booked in and sat in the waiting room feeling uneasy and restless whilst of course surrounding me were people with coughs and colds (striking a worried cord through me the last thing I needed was these germs to pass onto my baby …. more stress and anxiety) but nonetheless I pushed through my emotions and waited until I was called in. 

Doctor Bowen called me in and straight away asked how I was…. well. Without any hesitation my eyes filled with tears and I said “I hate the person I have become, I have lost myself within this and I hate my baby. An innocent precious child I helped to make and bring into this world, I hate? Please help me”

Doctor Bowen sat and looked at me with that ‘scary’ doctor looked, and warmly smiled. “It is going to be ok Matthew, you and your baby will be ok but you need to accept our help. You are showing signs of Postnatal depression, this is something men and women do get”. At this point I felt shallow and low wondering what I was doing and saying, I just openly admitted to a doctor I hate my baby? 

I muttered and blubbered struggling to get my words out and pinpoint my emotions but I was asked the standard questions of what it seemed. With my head swimming drastically looking for a lifeguard to rescue me from all the medical terminology, the heartache and this dark place I am in.

It was agreed that I would return back to speak to our health visitor and our GP again (doctor bowen) to speak about starting medication, therapy/counselling and also attending some parenting classes for fathers and making a plan for me over the next few weeks. I knew what that meant and for a moment it took my breath away. I was going to have to fight this battle, regardless of my emotions and speak openly and attend sessions even through physically and mental exhaustion.

Doctor Bowen gave my as much time as I needed in her doctors office to where for that short time was a safety net of releasing my emotions to an understanding supportive non judgemental professional who answered my questions to my new journey a head and would often reassure me that one day at my very own pace I would heal and see light and learn to love my baby.

So upon this a date was set for the following week that I would attend and a support network would be set up, I agreed to stay away from medication for as long as possible but if it was needed then I would be placed on them (as time went on, I was placed on them from sleeping tablet to a harry potter concoction of pills).

I then left the doctors surgery and headed home and began to cry, my tshirt soaked through and over the next few days I remained in wet tearful tshirts and wanted to hide away but at the same time I felt so numb whilst I would sit and cry my tears from the bottom of my heart never knowing before that I could cry like this to the point of physically shaking, vomiting and dizziness but after I had calmed down I knew it was needed for my body to somehow release it all in a little way but it would leave me feeling exhausted, unmovtivated, hopeless but I would go to bed embracing the reality of what this was and how it was affecting me.

Although I was scared I also felt at bay and at peace knowing I had reached out and a new path, a new light was ahead but this did not mean it was easy and that my emotions of negativity had disappeared, far from. 

I woke the next morning feeling numb and still with no light, things will take time I had to keep telling myself and that I needed to find a little hope in my heart and I’m no longer fearful. I’m no longer hopeless. I’m no longer anxious about my referral appointment next week and that I could leave next week  encouraged and reassured to take on my post natal depression journey and whatever pops up we will face it as a team. Not alone.

So I hugged my baby a little tighter knowing one day it will be ok and each day breathing deeper into the start of recovery.

I’m Matt, I’m 39 and I am a dad with Post natal depression.

#PNDFamily – Fighting Postnatal Depression, Together.

When a mum suffers with Postnatal Depression it can often be a very isolating time, without anyone to talk to because they don’t realise just how many other mums are suffering in silence too. Some don’t have close family or friends to seek support from which can make a mum feel even more alone.

Quite often mums feel ashamed that they are feeling this way because there is sadly still so much stigma attached to mental illness and the media often portrays mums with PND as bad mums (We are NOT!). Some may even unsure that what they are feeling could be symptoms of PND because it is often over looked in antenatal classes and appointments.

I’ve been there, I suffered Postnatal Depression 3 times so I know what it’s like to feel completely lost, scared and alone. It is an overwhelming time of sadness that is ‘supposed’ to be the exact opposite, there is no ‘pulling yourself together’ Postnatal Depression is a mental illness and it is hell.

When I was in the darkest days of PND where I could barely face getting out of bed  what I needed was someone to talk to who could say “I’ve been there and I promise  you it gets better”. To know I had someone to talk to who would simply listen and hold my hand as the tears fell down my cheeks as I tried to explain why I was struggling.

We all need someone to just BE there for us when are having a difficult day. I didn’t get the support I so desperately needed which lead me to create an online community in the hope other mums won’t have to go through what I did.

So I want you to introduce to my #PNDFamily.

Just some of the #PNDFamily at our 1st Birthday

We are an online community made up of those who have experienced or are still going through a Perinatal Mental Illness (Antenatal/Postnatal Depression, Anxiety, Postnatal Psychosis etc. We join up via Twitter every Wednesday at 8PM with the hashtag #PNDHour to listen, support and comfort each other. With approximately 1 in 7 suffering from some degree of Postnatal Depression we are coming together to shout “You are not alone!”. You can find out how to join here (super easy!).

So to any mums out there suffering with Postnatal Depression, I’m extending my hand out to you (virtually!) to invite you into our online village. We may not be able to physically hold your hand on the dark days but I promise we will all do our best to ensure you don’t feel alone through tweets (You can use the #PNDChat hashtag too). We will lift you up when you feel like you can’t go on and we will show you there is hope even if some days it’s a little harder to find.

You are not alone and most importantly we will fight this illness together.

Rosey xx

You can find a list of Postnatal Depression support services here and if Twitter is not your thing check out our Facebook page

 

One Dads experience of Postnatal Depression.

Tags

dads mental health, dads postnatal depression, male postnatal depression

I am Matt, 39 and a father of three with Post Natal Depression of four years and recently again of just 6 weeks, this is my journey through PND.

Hanging in heavy, feeling an anchor to myself. The sea is deep and possibly the very darkest of those sea blues in which I have ever seen, the storms are rolling in and the tides are getting higher, but can I ride them? 

Many emotions have come and gone, anger. frustration. Rejection. Feeling hopeless with a chip on my shoulder, tearful and uptight alongside being sleep deprived and working to bring in the money and live up to the stigma of a ‘working dad’ despite my emotions of in balanced hormones that raged deeply inside me tipping me from one extreme to the other as things in life become stacked around.

Towards the sweet bundle of joy, so innocent and so small, in whom I helped to make and bring into this world I felt so much rage towards them at times

Being a guy, watching movies has been one of my biggest past times growing up into the man I am today I often thought by going into the garage and screaming, shouting and destroying things around me would physically enable me to somehow feel better and that I would get a ‘movie style’ format of release.

So I would be found with my head hanging low making my way to my ‘man space’ in otherwords the garage or the shed thinking to myself just what I would do to release these hormones (yes men too have them) so, I pulled a random plantpot out and squeezed my hands around it before placing it back where it belonged…. my head ticking over I found deep within me I really did not want to break anything, this was not me it was something else as I looked around with my eyes full of ready tears to drop down my gaunt over tired non expressional face, I became hopeless and closed the door and burst out into tears.

A guy who has always been able to keep his cool, was so laid back he may as well of been horizontal and was a role model for many younger children in his family, how could I end up like this? Seconds away from smashing loved items within a family household and still at times many months later I find myself repeating this phrase of my journey. Picking it up, squeezing it tight and putting it back on a shelf (not the baby silly, the plantpot!) 

Out of nowhere the emotions come all from the moment the baby come out from the womb, how could I even think like this after waiting so long!

I felt like I was relapsing into childhood tantrums of kicking of screaming but so much worse and in adult format too. I felt beyond my own inner self and taking those steps back to try and see what would be the bigger picture in to my very own human limitations was a lethal weapon and hurt so much with the sleep deprivation becoming worse as I battled both physically and emotional as I come to terms with the new teething problems first time parents have alongside the balanced hormones and being a guy?! Going around and around in my own thoughts like salt to old wounds trying to prevent myself from feeling hopeless with the stress of personal weakness felt neverending, I felt a failure.

So I confess that as a father most days some type of guilt creeps up inside me and completely grabs my heart string and I find myself thinking I should of done more.

So I confess that I love my family so much that within these moments I overwhelm myself into such a emotional and physical state and can sometimes take off like a jet plane and have to fly the turbo and ground myself softly with a landing.

So I confess that my anger within has been dormant for many years and it took a baby, my own flesh and blood in whom I love so much to make me see. Doesn’t make sense huh?

So I confess that although I do not see a light, I hold hope on the good days in that I have that the light will shine again, not just for me but my family and to understand just how far I have come on my journey as I give my own self the time to heal at the pace I need and that the moments of outbursts become few and far between as we settle down to our family life and that I find myself again as these moments do not define the person I am nor the capable and loving father I shall be and that the hormones can be powerful and rage on, I can crash with sleep deprivation and often loose my mind – But I am me.

So I confess that I must be doing ok for my children are awesome and are well and happy and are breathing, and that I need to continue in seeking support and help and understanding that I am a dad and I am enough for each of my children and that I am IMPERFECT but I am ME.

‘Hope Packs’ for Mums in Mother & Baby Units

Tags

#PNDChat, #pndhour, Postnatal depression, Postnatal depression awareness, Postpartum Psychosis

There are just 17 Mother and Baby Units in the UK with a small 125 beds between them. These units offer wonderful support to mothers experiencing a mental illness such as Puerperal Psychosis or Postnatal Depression and importantly they are able to take their baby in with them which aids the bonding process which can quite often be a big issue for mums with a mental illness.

I’ve not personally been in a Mother and Baby unit but a number of women I’m honoured to call friends have been and I can see how beneficial they can be, however when a mum leaves she can sometimes be left feeling unsupported and unsure where to turn for further support.

Which leads me on to why I’m asking for donations here, We’ve already reached our £500 target but we ideally need at least £800 to supply the units with extra booklets and teddies.

I’m going to be creating ‘Hope Packs’ for mums in Mother and Baby units containing a small booklet with positive words of encouragement, stories etc from other mums who’ve experienced a perinatal mental illness along with a little ‘Hope’ teddy so the mums can have a little hope with them always.

I will also be supplying #PNDHour and #PNDChat promotional posters/cards for the Units to hand out should the wish to.

Please donate if you can or spread the word if you aren’t able to donate at the moment. Thank you SO much to all those who have donated so far, your support means a lot to me and I know it will help give hope to these mums.

Love Rosey xx

How to join #PNDHour Twitter Chat

#PNDHour is hosted by me via my Twitter profile @PNDandMe every Wednesday at 8pm, by following these 3 simple steps you will be able to join in and connect with others affected by perinatal mental illness. To join in you will need a Twitter account if you haven’t already.

1) Once you’ve logged into your account follow me @PNDandMe if you aren’t already, this way my tweets about #PNDHour will appear in your timeline.

2) Another way to follow the hour is by using the search function and typing in #PNDHour this will give you tweets with the hashtag including those by people you don’t follow.

Below left is a desktop computer view – be sure to click ‘Live’ as this will give you the most recent tweets.

Below right is what the mobile app will show, be sure to click ‘All Tweets’ on this bit. Both will automatically load new tweets.

Twitter App View

3) If you want to join in simply add the #PNDHour hashtag to your tweets, each week we cover something different which I usually lead the discussion on by asking questions or putting something out for discussion – You’ll be able to see my tweets either on your timeline or by using the search function for #PNDHour.

*There is always someone about to offer support if the topic isn’t something you feel you could contribute too but are in need of some peer support*

If you’re any queries or questions please feel free to get in contact via twitter or rosey.pnd@gmail.com

Happy Tweeting!

Postnatal Depression – 7 years on.

Tags

#PNDChat, #pndhour, Postnatal depression

On April 23rd 2008 my life changed forever, not only did I become a mother for the first time but my journey with Postnatal Depression began. It cast a dark shadow over what should have been a joyous time of getting to know my newborn baby girl, of learning the ropes as a mother. It made life feel dark and it pulled any glimpse of happiness I had away from me in the blink of an eye.

I remember so little of my daughters first year because it was overshadowed by the beast of Postnatal Depression, it wiped away those precious first memories. I was there physically but my mind was trapped in between reality and feeling like I was watching myself through a one way mirror, screaming and crying but no one could see a thing, all they saw was the smiles on my face and the happy Facebook updates about my lovely daughter and how much I was loving being a mum… if only they had known, if only I hadn’t felt like I had to hide away, life could have been so different. I would have remembered so much more than the stolen memories taken from words on the pages of her memory book.

My Daughter & I

There are photos I can barely look at simply because I was so lost within myself, putting on a smile while inside I felt like I was falling apart. Like my world had come crashing down around me, I had no control over my thoughts, the overwhelming need to ‘escape’ not die, but escape from my mind away from the negative thoughts that made me feel worthless.  For a long time I felt like I was just existing, how cruel is that? To have a beautiful little girl I couldn’t enjoy because I was being followed by the shadow of PND.

How do you go from existing, to living life? You fight. Even on the days where you feel you’ve no fight left there is always something more within you that will help you beat PND. You cry, scream, go running, eat a chocolate bar the size of your head every day, you do whatever it takes to get you through the tough days.

In the following years I unfortunately suffered with Postnatal Depression a further 2 time but not quite so severely as the experience after my daughters birth but I am here – still fighting and feeling a million miles away from how I felt 7 years ago in the depths of PND. I know the shadow of PND is always lurking but I feel like I have the strength inside me now to deal with it whenever it appears. It has taken a long time to feel this way and it’s taken a lot of hard work, I still take medication but that is something I know helps keep me as ‘happy mummy’.

Starting this blog and #PNDHour have been the biggest factors in my recovery over the last 16 months more than anything else I’ve tried, so for all those who interact and keep it going I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

So my little message here to any mums suffering with PND is that you CAN get better you won’t always feel quite so lost as you may feel now and the shadows will clear and your sun will shine. You will find ways of coping through the tough day, and slowly start having brighter happier days. PND Support Across the UK.

For now though try to be in the moment, know that whatever happens ‘This too shall pass’ and you will come out of it stronger than before. Look after yourselves and know you are never alone.

Love and strength

Rosey xx

#PNDHour every Wednesday 8pm via Twitter