10 tips on coping with Christmas from the #PNDFamily

Tags

#pndhour, anxiety, christmas, mums with postnatal depression, Postnatal depression

The festive season is an especially tough time of year when you suffer with a mental illness. It can be exhausting, overwhelming and sometimes trigger difficult thoughts and feelings. As #PNDHour is about coping with the festive season today (9/12) I thought I’d share some tip straight from those who’ve experienced mental illness over the festive period.

I hope they help you to see that you are not alone and that it is ok to put  yourself first!

Rosey xx

1. “Not too much caffeine or alcohol, neither are great for anxiety or stress!”

A great tip here, it can be tempting to overindulge but these two drinks aren’t good for anxiety or stress. It’s all about balance, enjoy yourself but be mindful of what could heighten anxiety/stress levels.

2. “Try not to set yourself high expectations. Try to focus on enjoying the moment without trying to create the ‘perfect’ Christmas. I tried to do this for years and always ended up feeling that it hadn’t lived up to my expectations and feeling a failure”.

We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make Christmas day “perfect” but the important thing is to look after yourself. Enjoy those little moments and make a mental note of them, that way even if the day feels stressful and overwhelming you can look back and remember those little moments.

“To write a list of the things to be grateful for and focus on the good” Kat @ Beautwins

3. “Do what suits you and cut out all the rest. Make it clear to others what your plans are so that nobody takes the huff at the last minute“.

Don’t be afraid to say no. This is your Christmas! If you’re already feeling low it can be hard to speak out but remember YOU matter and it is not selfish to take care of yourself.

4. “Don’t be afraid to take yourself away for a break if everything is getting too much. Five or ten minutes in a quiet room does wonders to clear the mind. Yes, I know finding anywhere quiet is a challenge when you have wee ones hanging off you at Christmas but it’s doable especially if you can let another person know about your mini “escape plan”.

I love this, make sure someone else knows if you’re finding things a bit difficult, so they can support you if you need to take a few minutes to yourself to regroup it will really help you.

5. “Up the self care, be as positive as possible and remember not every Christmas will feel like this, surround yourself with supportive and helpful people”.

SO important to remember, although this Christmas may be tough, there will be others. Take a few moments through the tough days to remind yourself how strong you are, and be proud of the fight you are fighting against mental illness, that makes you one tough cookie!

6. “If someone offers to help, let them”.

Easier said than done I know, but try and let people help if they offer, or ask for help if you feel you need it. It can really help to take the pressure off and will help you enjoy the day that little bit more.

7. “Forgive yourself. Go easy on yourself and don’t beat yourself up over the things that don’t really matter”.

So the best laid plans don’t always work out, but that’s ok. Give yourself a break, Christmas is bloody hard work and you’re doing your best!

8. “Be kind to yourself and do what you feel up to. If you have always made mince pies for example until this year – buy them! Get vouchers as gifts. KISS xxxx keep it simply stress free xxx“.

I’ll simply follow this up with a quote from Audre Lorde :

9. ” If social media is a trigger turn it off for a couple of days to avoid the “competing” – I get really wound up by the photos of massive piles of presents for example.
Try to remember that it is only a few days and that the feelings will pass”.

Great advice, know your triggers then you can try to avoid them, reduces the stress and help you to enjoy each moment.

10. A little tip from me.

Get as much sleep as you can, look after yourself, take photos (include yourself!) and know that not every Christmas will be tough and be proud of yourself for fighting depression/anxiety. You are doing your best and that is good enough xx

 

Join us on Twitter and use the #PNDChat hashtag for peer support and find us on Facebook

Can we stop sensationalising perinatal mental illness, Please?

I was disappointed today to see a large UK newspaper use a “click bait” headline for an article on why women with postnatal depression don’t seek help. The article itself was fine but I won’t link to it unless they do something about the headline!

Is click bait all that really matters when it comes to raising awareness of already taboo subjects? No. It only serves to fuel the fire of stigma that so many of us fight so hard to reduce.

Headlines that have the potential to trigger those who are recovering from any form of perinatal mental illness are unnecessary and quite frankly disgusting.

The media might only care about selling papers, magazines or getting as many ‘clicks’ on articles as possible, but the editors need to realise the damage irresponsible journalism can have on those who work tirelessly to reduce mental health stigma, to do the exact opposite these articles are trying to achieve – increase stigma, fear and judgment on those who are affected and undoubtedly discourage from seeking help in some cases.

I can tell you now as a mother who has experienced antenatal and postnatal depression three horrible times, it is a living hell. I have since found my voice and will never stop challenging negativity no matter how small, that could impact on a mother seeking help, these women are brave, they are fighters, they deserve to be celebrated for their courage and encouraged to share their stories with the media without fear of a headline being used out of context and with the potential to trigger old thoughts and feelings.

These women need our help not more judgement, because trust me they already feel bad enough without it!

So can we PLEASE for the sake of these mothers and their children stop giving such sensitive stories, research, and survey results such damaging headlines, because this is not about click bait, this is about saving lives.

We want to raise awareness of Perinatal mental illness and the impact it can have on mothers an their families, so please, think before you type. Let’s not add to the fear that is already there that prevents SO many women from seeking the help they so desperately deserve!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help celebrate our 100th #PNDHour

Tags

#pndhour, PND and Me, Postnatal depression

On December 16th we celebrate our 100th #PNDHour, it’s an amazing milestone given that when I began the Twitter chat I had no idea just how successful it would prove to be!

We connect, support and empower those affected by Perinatal Mental Illness across the UK with a weekly Twitter chat every Wednesday 8-9pm. It has connected over 3500 people to date and continues to grow! 

Would you like to help us celebrate? Take a look at the two things below and see if either (or both!) And join in!

First up I am creating a video to celebrate our 100th hour and to show the wide range of people who join in, mums, dads and health care professionals. Simply take a photo like these below, letting us know who you are!

This is my little example!

Add whatever else you like, Twitter name, “recovered” etc. Also if you’d prefer not to have your face on show, get creative, perhaps let a teddy hold the sign for you!

Then send it to me Rosey.pnd@Gmail.com

The second thing you can do to help us celebrate is sign up to our Thunderclap campaign, it’s really simple to do & will tweet/Facebook a short message about #PNDHour at 8pm on December 16th. It Will help us raise awareness of the hour & to celebrate such a big milestone! Sign up here

I just want to take this opportunity to thank each and every person who takes the time out of their day to join the hour. The community wouldn’t be what it is without each and every one of you!

Thank you.

Rosey xx

How Health Visitors can help mums with Postnatal Depression

Numerous studies estimate the incidence of perinatal depression at between 15-25%. That is, depression that starts either during pregnancy or in the 12 months following birth. However, perinatal depression is only one aspect of what can happen to both mothers and fathers at an already stressful time – others include post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, managing existing mental health conditions, psychosis to name but a few.

So how can your Health Visitor help?  

Our responsibilities are to families with children aged 0-5. We have 5 universal health reviews that form part of our commissioned service delivery.

These are

• Pre natal (26 – 40 weeks)
• New baby (10-14 days post partum)
• 6-8 weeks post partum
• Development check aged 1 year
• Development check aged 2 – 2 1/2 yearsIt is during these visits that we attempt to identify any health issue with either parent that might have impact on child development. This of course includes addressing mental health, and we have various ways in which we can identify problems and act as advocates.

We are trained to explore perinatal mental health. This can be through direct questioning – perhaps you have been asked the following

• During the past month, have you often been bothered by feeling down, depressed, or hopeless?
• During the past month, have you often been bothered by little interest or pleasure in doing things?
• Or through building rapport through other visits like breastfeeding support or at baby clinic and assessing affect and levels of stress and anxiety. Sometimes the smallest conversations lead to the tougher stuff. Some days you can just be tearful and tired – we can help you identify what you are feeling.

If anxiety or low mood issues are identified, we are able to offer ‘listening visits’ which use motivational interview techniques to advocate accessing self help and other services. Some of these range from provision of simple advice with back up leaflets – Anxiety UK

Or tools to help assess how you feel, and these are usually the following

• ‘GAD 7’

• PHQ – 9

• EPDS .

• Pre and Post natal promotional guides

Through assessment, and with your permission, we can advocate on your behalf to your GP or other health professional. We can find out and advise about counselling services. We can help you self refer to single point of access services for mental health ‘ triage’. We can involve Homestart or the local Children’s Centre to get you through the tough times. We can advise on drugs and breastfeeding, or can signpost you to people who can help further. We can look at local support groups – birth afterthoughts, bereavement services, premature baby groups.

We can talk to your family, provide post natal group sessions and promote awareness amongst other health professionals.

Do join #PNDHour on November 18th 8-9pm Via @PNDandMe & @WeHealthVisitor to discuss follow up after diagnosis and how Health Visitors can put all of above into action alongside your plan of care.

My bio 

Bernie lives with her two adult children in Hertfordshire and tweets as @bernie_hughes and as part of the @wehealthvisitor team

Bernie qualified from Kings College Hospital as a registered general nurse (adult) in 1992. She gained diverse experience through staff and senior staff nurse roles in King’s Liver Unit and District Nursing, more senior roles in King’s Trauma and Orthopaedic unit and NHS Direct, and prior to qualifying as a Health Visitor, was Head of Audit and Training at a 21 bed chemotherapy day case unit in Harley Street. Senior roles have given Bernie insight into strategy and forward planning, but at her heart she has always remained focused on the people. 

Throughout her nursing experience, child protection, public health and the vulnerability that mental health brings to the lives of families has been a constant seam. This led to exploring the possibility of becoming a Health Visitor and this was realised for Bernie in 2012. The role has provided her admiration for the dedication of her colleagues, the incredibly hard path that parents walk, and the often unexplainable resilience of children. An iHV perinatal mental health champion, Bernie’s interests on social media are predominantly around this subject. She is delighted to have been asked to be part of WeHVs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The PIP – A review

Tags

mindfulness apps, Postnatal depression, The Pip

I’ve been very lucky to have the chance to review The PIP an exciting new product here’s a little bit about it’s aims –

The Pip shows you everyday how to deal with whatever comes your way.

The Pip, a revolution in mental fitness, allows you to see your stress levels. Powered by science, it accurately visualises what you are feeling, as you are feeling it. The Pip connects your emotions with innovative apps both passive and active, teaching you not only how to recognise stress, but to know a life without it.

The real strength of the Pip lies in its portability, its performance and its ability to fit into everyone’s life, everywhere. The Pip’s true power is in its astonishing ability to focus and change our minds, unlocking the greater potential in all of us.

The Pip

I love a gadget so have thoroughly enjoyed testing this product, I really liked the variety of games and the calming music to help you relax.

The PIP helps you take just a few minutes from each day to sit and relax, which isn’t easy especially when you have children, but I didn’t find it too tricky to fit a few minutes in each day.

My favourite game would be The Loom, where there is a tree in winter scene and the more you relax the quicker it turns to spring, I found the visuals of this one helped me to focus on relaxing.

I liked the PIP itself, I found physically holding something helped me to keep my mind focused on the moment. The apps only take a few minutes each to complete and it really does make a difference to have just a few minutes to de-stress and refocus on the moment, which Mindfulness teaches us is important, that thoughts are temporary and focusing on the here and now moments can help reduce stress and anxiety.

The PIP is part of a growing market promoting Mindfulness, which are we are fast seeing can help ease symptoms of depression and anxiety. Here’s a list of more Mindfulness apps to have a go with!

There a 4 apps to download to work alongside the PIP, The Loom, The Stress Tracker, Relax & Race and Four Steps to Mindfulness. All work brilliantly to help reduce stress and to help you focus on the moment, the music that accompanies the apps is relaxing and peaceful.

To find out more about The PIP have a look here but make sure you enter THIS competition to be in with a chance of winning a PIP!

*I was kindly provided with a PIP to review, all views my own*

Intrusive Thoughts – Postnatal Depression – OCD

Tags

#PNDChat, #pndhour, Antenatal Depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts about harming baby, ocd, Postnatal depression

Trigger warning – This post contains details of intrusive thoughts, so please be mindful of this if you are struggling as it may be best not to read on x

Intrusive thoughts can be very scary, they often focus on our baby or ourselves/friends/family, but it is important to remember they are just thoughts, it is common symptom for mothers experiencing depression.

These thoughts can be constant, intermittent, intense or mild, either way such thoughts can be distressing and often lead to guilt, feeling that ‘good’ mums wouldn’t have these thought but it is a common symptoms of depression but just not talked about very openly. Remind yourself that you ARE good mum and these thoughts aren’t a real reflection of you as a mother.

Intrusive thoughts can also indicate a form of OCD below is the list on the OCD UK website of common thoughts a mum may have whether she is suffering OCD intrusive thoughts or  possibly depressive intrusive thoughts.

• intrusive thoughts of stabbing the newborn baby
• intrusive thoughts of suffocating or drowning the newborn baby
• unwanted images of throwing or dropping a baby
• disturbing thoughts of sexually abusing a child
• fear of accidentally harming a child through carelessness
• intrusive thoughts of accidentally harming the foetus by exposure to medications, chemicals, or certain foods
• fear of being responsible for giving a child a serious disease such as herpes or AIDS
• fear of making a wrong decision (i.e., getting inoculations, feeding certain foods, taking antidepressants) leading to a serious or fatal outcome.

While these thoughts can be incredibly overwhelming it is important to remember that you an seek help to reduce these thoughts, please speak to your GP if you have any concerns.

“Your brain is playing a trick on you. The more you focus on them, the more you are telling your brain to believe them and the more you empower these thoughts. Try your best to distract yourself. Tell yourself that it’s okay you’re having these thoughts, nothing bad is happening and that you won’t always feel this way” Taken from Postpartum Stress – “What if I’m having scary thoughts?”

I’ll leave you with these 3 things :

1. Know they are just thoughts, let them pass.
2. Talk to someone straight away if the thoughts become unbearable or you don’t feel safe.
3. Know you are a good mum and that although you may feel scared by these thoughts, they are only temporary and you can get better.

Please seek help if you become overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and don’t feel safe.

Hope Packs – An Update & Thank You’s

Tags

#PNDChat, #pndfamily, #pndhour, Antenatal Depression, hope packs postnatal depression, mother and baby unit, PND and Me, postnatal depression support

Back in July I began asking for donations for ‘Hope Packs’ for those currently staying in a psychiatric Mother and Baby Unit of which are there are now only 16 in the UK. I was absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of offers to donate various items to the cause, from baby towels, books on mindfulness, colouring pencils, toiletries and so much more.

I am now delighted to have everything needed for the Hope packs and so much more besides. Below is just a small selection of the items donated, which included over 60 baby slings! Because there isn’t quite enough to share out equally in the individual packs, these items will be sent alongside them as equally as possible for mums to choose for themselves, including books to read to their babies/older children visiting, mindfulness colouring books and a many other bits!

A special thank you for NUK for very kindly donating soothers, breastpads and bottle cleaners for the packs. Also to Gummee Glove for their kind donation of a number of “My first Gummee Glove”.

Also I cannot thank those who have donated items individually, you are all wonderful, kind and generous people, your donations will make such a difference to these mum, my heartfelt thanks to each one of you.

Below is an individual Hope Pack!

Each pack will contain :

• A hope bear
• A copy of the “Little Book of Hope”
• A notebook (these will vary as I was donated so many different wonderful designs!)
• A pen (plus some colouring in pens to be added)
• A bar of chocolate kindly donated by MARS (Thank you Kate!)
• A small pack of shortbread donated by Walkers Shortbread

None of this would have been possible without the monetary donations, the huge amount of donated items and the support to create the little book of Hope which features quotes from real mums who’ve experience a perinatal mental illness, a section on Mindfulness by Pauline McPartland my wonderful friend, a foreword from Dr Andy Mayers a constant support, the permission to use a beautiful quote from Fern Britton.

These packs will be sent out over the next few weeks, my hope is that they offer a little bit of sunshine through the clouds to these mums currently in Mother and Baby units.

I do plan to add Hope Packs to the website soon so they are available to any mum struggling with mental illness, so do check back!

If you’ve any questions please do email me rosey.pnd@gmail.com

#PNDHour – Connect – Support – Empower

Tags

#PNDChat, #pndfamily, #pndhour, awareness, maternal mental health, motherhood, Perinatal Mental Health

When I set up the two hashtags #PNDHour and #PNDChat it was with the sole intention that they would enable women to connect with each other, to feel less alone as they battled with Postnatal Depression. So far it has absolutely had the desired affect – above and beyond my dreams!

Connect

It is SO important that we continue to reach out and connect with fellow sufferers and survivors for support as well as connecting with charities and professionals who can offer us that more specific help in our time of need. #PNDHour and #PNDChat have already been great source of connection with over 3000 people having used the #PNDHour hashtag in 19months

1 in 7 mums will suffer with some degree of Postnatal Depression within the first year of giving birth. You are not alone.

Connecting with other mothers who have been there or are still battling with Postnatal Depression is really important, it helps normalise the illness and makes mothers feel less alone, it enables mothers to see that they can get better with the right support.

Helps me connect with likeminded, supportive people

Support

Support from other mothers in the same boat can be really helpful on bad days, knowing that it’s ok to have those headfog days where simply getting out of bed feels like a climb up Everest, knowing there is someone to talk to that truly understands what you are going through, that you will get better and being reminded that you are a GOOD mum.

You are not alone, I promise the support is out there not just from peers but from charities who offer support across the UK.

So please join in #PNDHour one Wednesday at 8pm or tweet with #PNDChat – Even saying something like ‘I need a hug #PNDChat’ and I can guarantee you will have lots coming your way!

Great Community and Support

EMPOWER

When we suffer with any kind of Mental Illness it’s easy to lose our voice, to shy away because of fear of stigma and judgement from those around us but you know what? We have nothing to be ashamed of if we are mothers with a Mental Illness, because is it just that a mental illness, it does not define you and it will not stop you from being the best mum you can be, one day you will look back and realise just how strong you were to make it through PND and I hope that you can feel proud of how strong you are now because you are fighting every day and that is amazing, YOU are amazing, beautiful and strong, remember that.

Join the #PNDFamily on Twitter today our ever growing community of women who have recovered or are still battling Postnatal Depression and we will fight it TOGETHER.

Find us on Facebook

Headfog is my Black Dog.

By now a lot of people will be familiar with the ‘Black Dog’ analogy for depression, for me the easiest way to describe Postnatal Depression is – Headfog.

Just like when you’re walking in the fog, You know there’s buildings, people, traffic out there but you only get fleeting glimpses of these things, it makes you feel disconnected with the world around you, you can hear things but it’s all distorted, just like the thoughts in your mind when the headfog appears.

Headfog makes you feel anxious, confused, angry, alone and so many other feelings but remember they are temporary. The only thing we can be certain of is change.

Headfog blurs everything it follows you around with relentless determination, sucking the joy out of your days, those happy moments that you are supposed to be enjoying are lost in the fog. Some days you wake up and the fog is so thick it feels as if it has taken over you entire being everything feels heavy, the simple task of getting out of bed and facing the days feels momentous it take every ounce of energy and strength you have to get up, dressed and face the world.

Sometimes the headfog will lift just enough for you to make out those smiles and really hear your baby’s laughter, it lets you see just enough to hold on to the hope that the fog will clear properly one day but it soon descends again sometimes thicker than ever almost taunting with the glimpses of the good days that will soon become more regular, those clearer days without the fog taking over.

My own little cloud of fog still follows me but slowly it’s getting small and the sun is shining brighter than before. Sometimes it will pop up thick and heavy demanding my attention but on these days I up the self care, I look after myself, I accept that tis is ‘headfog day’ and just allow it to be instead of fighting it. It will pass.

The headfog will slowly start to lift more often allowing you to really enjoy those moments as a mum and even let you catch a glimpse of who YOU are before you became mum.

You’ll work out ways to cope with the headfog days. Accept that they will pass and to look after yourself until they do.

Remember to talk to someone, headfog can make you feel alone but you aren’t. There are people out there who will help you through the fog so take their hand and let them help you.

Keep fighting.

Rosey xx

Mindfulness – What’s it all about?

Tags

anxiety, mindfulness for postnatal depression, Postnatal depression, The Pip

Mindfulness

noun: mindfulness

1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something:
   “their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition”
2. a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

Mindfulness based cognitive therapy was developed by Professor Mark Williams, John Teasdale and Zindel Segal  to help people who suffer serious bouts of depression to overcome their illness. There have been a number of clinical trials that show the effectiveness of practising Mindfulness in reducing the risk of suffering repeated bouts of depression. (From Mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world : Mark Williams)

I’m beginning to practise mindfulness as my life can be quite overwhelming at times(as with us all!), stressing about things that are in the future or in the past. Mindfulness is helping me to be more present in the moment, allowing me to accept these thoughts as just that, thoughts, they do not control me.

Mindfulness can help reduce stress, boost your attention and concentration, it can give you a better insight into your emotions, it can also help reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression and addictive behaviours.

“The only thing keeping us from being present is our thoughts and thoughts aren’t facts” Ruby Wax

You can be mindful every day, slow down and notice the sounds around you. When eating take the time to notice the textures and tastes fully. Take time each day to just sit and just focus on your breathing, be in the moment, allowing any thoughts to pass through, when your mind wanders gently bring it back to your breathing.

I’m really excited to share with you this fantastic new product The PIP which is great way of incorporating mindfulness into your life.

The PIP shows you everyday how to deal with whatever comes your way.

The PIP, a revolution in mental fitness, allows you to see your stress levels. Powered by science, it accurately visualises what you are feeling, as you are feeling it. The PIP connects your emotions with innovative apps both passive and active, teaching you not only how to recognise stress, but to know a life without it.

The real strength of the PIP lies in its portability, its performance and its ability to fit into everyone’s life, everywhere. The PIP’s true power is in its astonishing ability to focus and change our minds, unlocking the greater potential in all of us.

The Pip in action