By now a lot of people will be familiar with the ‘Black Dog’ analogy for depression, for me the easiest way to describe Postnatal Depression is – Headfog.

Just like when you’re walking in the fog, You know there’s buildings, people, traffic out there but you only get fleeting glimpses of these things, it makes you feel disconnected with the world around you, you can hear things but it’s all distorted, just like the thoughts in your mind when the headfog appears.

Headfog makes you feel anxious, confused, angry, alone and so many other feelings but remember they are temporary. The only thing we can be certain of is change.

Headfog blurs everything it follows you around with relentless determination, sucking the joy out of your days, those happy moments that you are supposed to be enjoying are lost in the fog. Some days you wake up and the fog is so thick it feels as if it has taken over you entire being everything feels heavy, the simple task of getting out of bed and facing the days feels momentous it take every ounce of energy and strength you have to get up, dressed and face the world.

Sometimes the headfog will lift just enough for you to make out those smiles and really hear your baby’s laughter, it lets you see just enough to hold on to the hope that the fog will clear properly one day but it soon descends again sometimes thicker than ever almost taunting with the glimpses of the good days that will soon become more regular, those clearer days without the fog taking over.

My own little cloud of fog still follows me but slowly it’s getting small and the sun is shining brighter than before. Sometimes it will pop up thick and heavy demanding my attention but on these days I up the self care, I look after myself, I accept that tis is ‘headfog day’ and just allow it to be instead of fighting it. It will pass.

The headfog will slowly start to lift more often allowing you to really enjoy those moments as a mum and even let you catch a glimpse of who YOU are before you became mum.

You’ll work out ways to cope with the headfog days. Accept that they will pass and to look after yourself until they do.

Remember to talk to someone, headfog can make you feel alone but you aren’t. There are people out there who will help you through the fog so take their hand and let them help you.

Keep fighting.

Rosey xx